The Other View

Who would’ve thought that Chris Johnson could have given me insight to my own life? Yes, I refer to him by his full name. I don’t know. Perhaps it just sounds cooler that way.

I walked into MESA this morning and still had about half an hour to kill before my voice class. Chris was at the back struggling with Physics 1C. I, on the other hand, attempted the 7B homework that’s due later tonight. It wasn’t going so well. I barely got anywhere when I was there. Physics aside, though, I always find myself having strange yet interesting conversations with this dude. Honestly, who would’ve thought? ‘Cause Chris mostly has his unenthused expression on his face. Lol.

So Chris brings up a question in his very chill tone. “How are you and the Yuke-ster doing? Yuke-ster. Hmm, I just made that off the top of my head.” Insert headdesk here? Anyway, when he brought that up, the conversation took an interesting turn on long distance relationships and ambitions. Looking at a Chris’ perspective, I honestly hoped that Yuki thinks the same way as he does.

Let me stretch this out for a second. Spring is ending and we’re all going to part ways. Seems like Chris and his girl are on the same page as Yuki and me. What do we do when school is over? I’m surprised to find out that Chris is willing to make an effort to still keep seeing his girl after he transfers. But it’s the girl that wants to break it off eventually thinking that it’s going to be too painful if he’s away.

Where does that leave Yuki and me? I know where I stand. At this moment, I only wish that Yuki has Chris’ perspective. Haha. Both of them have such chill and laid back personalities. I wonder, really. Eventually.

The Missing Piece

Might as well plaster my face on a milk carton because this girl doesn’t know where she’s been for the last two years. I’ve said this over and over again, but it didn’t seem to hit me as hard until now. Just a few minutes ago, I looked at my archives. 2009 and 2010 was filled with a measly 19 posts each. What is that? Seriously, what is that?!

I always used to come and write as a way to vent and express myself. It used to be my main medium. Heck, I remembered when I was 9 years old and practically lived on writing. I envisioned myself as becoming a journalist or a writer someday. If my 9 year old self would see me now, she would definitely kick me in the behind. Hard.

Honestly, I felt like I’ve lost part of myself. I do, however, have a lot to thank God for. For the past two years, I’ve gone through ups and downs. I’ve made many discoveries and had many adventures. I’ve met new friends and pushed myself to the limit, unknowingly bringing me to heights I never thought I could reach. And though I stand high upon this hill, I can’t help but feel I’ve left part of me behind. And because of that, I know my feet aren’t going to keep steady on this ground I stand on.

Where’s the girl with the passion and love for writing? Where’s the girl who strived on getting a web design done even if it meant staying up until the sun breaks? I don’t want to bring myself to say this. She’s… gone? No. Maybe she just lost her way. I can’t forget about her. I just can’t.

It’s been breaking my heart slowly these past few weeks. With school on hold for another week or so, I can’t believe it took me this long to even write again. I’ve been telling myself countless times to get a move on it, but I just couldn’t. Now that I did, I feel broken and numb. I feel like I’m starting from scratch like a baby learning how to walk.

Everything’s beginning to get clearer now. For so long, whenever things would arise, I’d just let them bottle up inside. Somehow, I’d drown these thoughts. I didn’t have time to put them on paper. Almost, it felt like I created a void within me. Almost like a black hole. Sounds stupid, I know. But now that I think about it, it seems like it is.

I noticed I haven’t been as compassionate as I should have been towards others. I could easily put on a fake smile when I know that I would be troubling inside. What was wrong with me? I need to get myself fixed. This. This is where it starts.

I know for sure that things are about to become busy again. Busyness is just going to start flooding my life with school work. I can’t let this stop me from writing. I can’t let the present take away a part of me. I need to be whole again. Please, God. Take that writer from the past and bring her to the present. Please make me whole again.

Fighting Food Comas

After listening to music for hours on end, I’m appreciating the silence. I’m fortunate enough to be able to listen to my iPod while I work everyday. Gladly. If I didn’t, I know I’d already have my face flat on the keyboard.

I figured out that I’m not an afternoon person this past summer. Around 3 to 4PM, my eyes begin to droop. I could’ve sworn I’ve fallen asleep for at least a minute or two. I must’ve had my hood on that day; I wasn’t caught.

Everyday has been a battle for those two specific hours. A tough one I must endure. What makes it even more difficult is that everyone at work is accustomed to having 2PM lunches.

Really? I mean really?! I have to fight a food coma and have an afternoon handicap?! Crazy, I tell you.

I’ve tried listening to 90s boyband music to keep me awake. That worked for two days. But I’m getting the feeling that I’m starting to become immune to it.

“Backstreet’s back, alright!”

Frequent bathroom breaks? Not really. I try not to spend too much time in there. People might think I’m doing ze number 2 when I’m really leaning on the bathroom wall and closing my eyes. I’m serious.

While I try to fight my sleep, I think about how fast summer has gone. Has it already been two months? It’s unbelievable how it’s almost August. As much as I want to get the internship done, I don’t want summer to end. I still have a lot of things to catch up on.

I’ve been thinking of revamping my old site. Keeping the blog here, I was wondering about making it a photo blog or a portfolio. All the editing skills I’ve learned these past few weeks have encouraged me to polish some of my memorable photos.

Camp’s coming up in six days. Time’s flying pretty fast, isn’t it? I need to pack up some gear since I’ll be away for a whole week. To be honest, I’m feeling mixed about camp. I know it’s going to be an awesome experience. But I can’t imagine how exhausted I’ll be after it. I remember that one winter camp with school following that weekend. I kept falling asleep in my AP Physics class for consecutive weeks. |: And with a photo shoot that following Monday plus working for the last week. Shnaps, will I be able to hold up?

Planning and more planning. Before summer ends, I hope to hike around Palos Verdes. It’s about time that I do something active aside from sitting in a computer chair all day. Oh mahn, I know exactly who would love to poke me about that.

I miss swimming and the outdoors. I’ll be needing some adventure time eventually. Hopefully, that sleepover with some friends at my place would push through. I still don’t know how we’re all going to fit into my house. We’ll make it work.

Until then, I’ll dream of sheep. Ah yes, sheep.

Which reminds me of that idea… Do robots dream of electronic sheep?

“It’s so fluffy, I’m gonna diiiiie. D8!!”

And I need to watch Inception, quite so.

Time Limit

This seems to be the only time when I tend to function. And even as this hour, where I barely have time to spew the words out of my mind, I know I don’t have enough minutes to spare. No time to write. No time to think. Just move on. Or so I’d like to do?

I’ve been shrugging off my blogging ways for ages. This year seems to be the  most times I’ve taken a hiatus to writing. I’m not proud of it. In fact, I know how my lack of writing damages me inside. The more I shrug it off, the more facts just build up in my head. Fortunately, I have the ability to keep other information aside and deal with the present. But the fact that there’s a lot going on in my head, there’s a point where  all my thinking eventually draws a blank.

Derp. Derp.

What now? I think my mind just overheated.

Yeah, I can’t think straight.

I wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy with the feeling that I’m floating. Seemingly not caring as much as I should. Maybe it’s the routine that has gotten to me. Maybe it’s me again wanting to run away.

Its a habit.

So maybe I should list a number of things that has been on my mind lately.

1. College? What? As much I try to avoid thinking about this, I know I should. I hope that I could transfer by next fall. I must.

2. Love? Why bother. I’ve been pretty much meh about this ever since my heart got broken. I’ve just been ladidah and not keeping my hopes up. Not looking, never chasing. Just meh.

3. I miss walking around. Even walking from class to class. I wish I took summer school.

4. I’m getting withdrawals by not seeing him. HAHA. Anyway~

5. I’ve been in a music slump. Too lazy to pick up my guitar. Too lazy to learn new songs.

6. I’m in an Alex Kaneko/Will Sturgeon phase once again. Which partially bites, because I’ve lacked the motivation to play my guitar.

7. I lack sleep and time. Get up at 7am and get home at 9pm. I wish I had more time for summer. But that’s the price you pay for an internship. It’s worth it. I’m tired. It’s almost over.

I want to stop time. I wanted a break. Surely, I got summer. But it wasn’t the break that I’ve hoped for. I wish I had at least a month off.

Time is running out. When hasn’t it ever been?

Move Along

It’s been a busy semester so far. Can’t you tell? I haven’t been updating at all. At times I just feel lazy. Most of the time I just want to sleep. Or maybe, just grab a scoop of that delicious green tea ice cream in the freezer. I’m telling you; the Japanese have some pretty peculiar flavors that would just make you crave for more.

It’s almost two in the morning and I’m spending my time blogging. It’s about time I did so again. It’s been more than a month. I can’t seem to spew words out of my mouth. I can’t seem to vent or write anymore. A lot has been happening lately. It’s either I choose to block them out of my mind or bottle them up. But that hasn’t been going so well for me lately. There’s only so much shrugging-off-the-shoulder that I can do.

There’s a friendship on the line. Also, my love life has been baffling. All I can do is keep my head high.

It’s so rare to have time alone for myself. Just like now. And so I spend it thinking about this and that. Watching time slowly pass. Thinking about life. Now I’m just watching my good friend’s videos of her son. Uber cute!

I do wonder how my life’s going to turn out to be in the next decade. I can’t believe it. I’m almost 20. It’s terrifying! More freedoms, I guess. But I’m so near those crossroads. What am I to do? I wonder if I’ll ever find that one. You know. The one. Haha. I’ll shut up now. I think it’s the time of day that’s causing me to think this way.

Until then, I’ll just keep waiting.

Split Second

Just when you think everything’s going to be alright. You’re wrong. Because you can never expect it.

It’s funny that I was reminded tonight how God is going to rapture us at any time. Unexpected? Yes. For the past few days, I’ve been seeing all these signs scatter across the world. The frequency of earthquakes have been increasing. Aren’t these the sign of birth pains the Word was talking about?

Anyway, after tonight’s midweek service, Christine and I were off to help set up for the One God event tomorrow. Typical, of course. Just another normal evening. Two friends conversing while working. She was going to drop me and my sister home after we helped out.

And then, the unexpected.

Right when we were dropped off. Literally. The moment we stepped out of the car. It happened.

Christine was backing out and finally got into the driving lane. Then, BAM. This other car comes out of nowhere and drives into Christine’s front side. Her car, that is. It happened so fast, I didn’t see it coming. We all didn’t see it coming. I was right next to Christine’s car when it happened. The other car must’ve been going on 40 that it shot Christine’s car into the other parking slot. Both cars were damaged.

The other girl was freaking out and so was Christine. This was the first time I’ve ever called 911. It was beyond surreal. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

It was 9:45PM.

Less than five minutes later, the police drops in and files a report. I couldn’t be more terrified for Christine. I prayed with her to calm her down. She was shocked and scared. Her parents weren’t around yet.

Around half an hour later, the report was filed. Two other cars were involved. The parked ones, that is. Not much damage there, but still.

I look back at this and it’s still overwhelming. Surely, the charges that were pressed were bad. Insurance matters and all that jazz. But to think how much worse it could have been if me and my sister were in the car? Christine’s still 17. I can only imagine how much worse she could’ve gotten out of it driving me and my sister. Or what I could have been blamed for since I’m the licensed driver of 19 years of age. I could’ve been pressed charges for.

I was just there. I just stepped out of the car before it happened. I was this close to dealing with something so much worse.

This is more than an awakening. Insanity aside, God is just too amazing. His mercy is incomprehensible. He saved us from that split second change of fate. I can’t even try to understand it right now.

Three words. God is great.

Too Quiet

Honestly, my mind is blank. It hasn’t been that way in a while. It’s quiet. Too quiet. I kinda like it. Despite the fact that I have an English written final on Tuesday, everything’s pretty bland.

I miss this feeling. The feeling when I could think freely for myself. When I could just escape by playing a game or just jam on the guitar. I don’t have time for any of those anymore! It’s silly to think about it. When we were younger, we thought that getting older would garner us that freedom. And now that we’re here, surely we have the freedom to do whatever we want. Or something close to whatever we want. But now, we have to decide for ourselves which choice to make! Which we’ll be responsible for!

Rachel called me tonight and asked if I could lead worship with her at Ventura next Friday. Supposedly, I was going to perform at Alden’s acoustic gig again then. Afterwards, I was planning to head to The Bridge. Perhaps I’ll have to change my plans. I’ll need to choose what’s right. Oh, responsibility.

I’ll most likely choose going to Ventura.

I tried making milk tea boba earlier. Without the boba, though. FAIL. It didn’t taste that bad. I just need to try again.

Sigh. I want to escape and run away again. I long for those summer days. Hah, I long to play Ragnarok Online again. Guh, I miss being a kid. So I’m sitting here with my iTunes on shuffle listening to the game’s soundtrack.

I’ve always wondered how it would be like to live in Midgard. Silly, I know. But just think about it! Casting spells, going on hunts. It would be pretty cool if every area you went through had background music. Life would be pretty interesting. Scratch the fact that you get beaten and killed. But then again, you get to respawn! Just make sure you saved at the nearest Kafra!

Dork mode unleashed. Haha.

I’m thinking of playing Ragnarok again when summer arrives. But who knows if I’ll even have time to play it? I wonder if there will be any classes I could take during that season. Mom’s also asking me about going on an internship. Hmm. Money? Education? I do wonder. There are pros and cons on both sides. And also, I still want to hang out!

So. Many. Choices. Can’t. Comprehend.


Anyway, I should try to do something productive. I’d make myself a dango daikazoku but I still can’t find my sculpey around the house. Oh well. Back to square one. Blank. It isn’t that bad.

Meeting A Bass Legend

It’s not everyday when you meet a celebrity. And I’m not talking about those messed up actors or actresses on the tabloids here. I’m talking about those who are worthy of the name. I’m talking about a world class musician and winner of five grammies! Is that how you spell it? grammies?

Still don’t know who I’m talking about? Well, it’s Victor Wooten, silly! Yes, you heard me. The incredible bass legend. The Victor Wooten. I knew for a fact that when Alden mentioned last month he was going to be playing at the next gig, my eyes widened. I knew that name was familiar. I just couldn’t put my finger on in.

Then I googled him up and there it was. Right on the spot. Bass legend. And I had the honor of meeting him prior to the event. Suh-weet!

I visited my old high school during lunch despite the downpours. It wasn’t too hard to get in since I still look like a middle school high school student anyway. Visited some friends around the campus and met up with Alden and Stacy in the end. Alden had no 6th period and Stacy was allowed to ditch hers. haha.

Prior to the event, we were able to meet Victor Wooten himself. Stacy and I helped Mr. Wooten (sounds so proper and prestigious, ey?) set up since Alden was in charge. It’s a good thing I didn’t get some sort of seizure and fangirl like crazy. P: Here’s how it went down when I introduced myself! Or how Alden seemed to put it when the man met me. I can probably vaguely remember because it was surreal. hahaha.

Him: What’s your name?
Me: I’m Chynna!
*shakes hands*
Him: That’s cool! That’s hard not to forget! I was just in China a while back!
Me: O_O

You get where I’m coming from, right? The man was so humble and casual and cool! How else can I put it?! I wish I asked for a picture before the event began, but I was too scared. I didn’t want to interrupt him setting up. I would’ve uploaded the videos I took of him last Friday as well, but my camera doesn’t seem to be functioning right now.

I was right in front of him while he was performing and teaching. His soundboard had a looper (I think that’s what Edward said it was), which saved riffs he made on the spot. Some of the things he played were Amazing Grace. Also, my fave performance, was when he started off with this certain familiar bass riff. Then, he saved and overlapped it with the melody. DANG! He was covering Isn’t She Lovely by Stevie Wonder! It was beyond brilliant!

And also, Alden had the privilege to be taught by Mr. Wooten himself. A life lesson on music on the spot.

The day couldn’t get any better! He had a book written, but I was too broke to purchase it. That’s alright. After the event, I finally got my picture with him. Yay!

Who knew that in two hours you could learn so much about music and change your philosophy on it? Mr. Wooten had me there though. Great Philosophy. You shouldn’t be playing an instrument but rather be playing music. Less is more. I could throw and quote his lines here and there, but I’ll just be silly again.

Haha. This is something I’ll be sure to tell my grandkids about. I met Victor Wooten! He knows me! I’ll shut up now. xD

The Place I’ll Return To Someday

Surely, I did. If you didn’t already know, the title of this post is the opening theme of Final Fantasy IX. FFIX happens to be my favorite out of all the FFs. It’s been a while since I’ve played it. Probably around eight years ago. I can vaguely recall.

I stumbled upon a fandub on YouTube earlier this week. Now, I’m not a fan of fandubs. Heck, I’m not a fan of dubbing itself. I despise it when I find out that any anime in general gets butchered by the english language!

Nah-roo-toe. Sa-KOO-ruh. Sas-Kei.

Anyway, I’m kind of drifting off the point. My point is that I’ll make an exception for this one.

This YouTube channel fandubbed the entire disc one of FFIX. I spent around two days watching the entire thing, and I can’t wait for more! The characters’ voices were exactly how I pictured them to sound like. Zidane’s voice sounds a little lower than I imagined. As for Quina, I never really thought how s/he would sound like since I could never tell what s/he was. Lol. I guess I imagined Quina having a lower-ish voice compared to his/her high given voiceover. Other than that, it was pretty good. They nailed Brahne’s voice. Seriously. It’s hilarious!

You know what bugs me? Is when people don’t recognize FFIX as being up there with all the other FFs. When people think of FF, they immediately think “FFVII is teh bestest!” or “Lionheart PWNZ you!” Other people judge it too quickly. Most of the people I know don’t bother with FFIX since they think it’s weird. Most of their opinions rely on the fact that the characters don’t look normal.

Yeah, alright, so they don’t look like normal human beings. They comprise mostly of animorphs. Okay, just because the hero doesn’t meet the same height requirement as Squall or Cloud doesn’t mean he sucks. Oh, and just because he has a tail? Puhlease.

FFVII has so many glitches in itself. Cloud is never clear with his emotions. He never makes it apparent with which girl he goes for. Hence, the absurd amount of pairings. Tifa or Aeris? I think it’s pretty clear that Aeris’ heart belongs to Zack; Cloud just reminds her of him. She said that. And Aeris? Innocent? She’s one manipulative little lady and I commend her for that. LOL. Tifa kicks butt. She belongs to Cloud. End of story. Haha.

FFVIII? What bothered me much is the group’s ridiculous background. They all just happen to come from the same orphanage when they were young (with the exception of Rinoa, of course), and they coincidentally all end up together. They forget about this because they’ve been using GFs for a long while. Really? Blame the GFs for memory loss? I find that their back stories did not make any sense.

Don’t get me wrong. I love FFVII and FFVIII, but they were pretty ridiculous in so many cases.

I’ve only played FFVII to FFXII. And with that, Final Fantasy IX still stands as being my most favorite out of all of them. Exquisite story lines and outstanding character development. Not to mention their back stories? Awesome. Although what just bothers me about the game is the ending. Where in the world did this random final boss come from? I’ve exhausted all my elixirs on Kuja and that other guy just happened to pull a but-wait-there’s-more!

I can’t wait for the day when I’ll be able to get myself a copy of Final Fantasy IX again. Not to mention the time to play it. Haha. So while I’m waiting, I shall tune in to the game’s amazing soundtrack. Nobuo Uematsu is a genius, isn’t he?

Feeling Lucky?

Hah! Not even! That word never applies to me nor is it even in my vocabulary. But for some strange turn of events, the impossible became possible.

I mentioned that I just had to get into this English class. When I arrived at the Humanities building last Wednesday morning, the hallway was packed from end to end.

WHAT THE HECK?! All these people want to get into this one English class?! You’ve got to be kidding me. Seriously. I don’t think it was possible to cramp all those people into one room.

Fortunately (and unfortunately), we all managed to fit in once the professor arrived; there were a handful of people who were standing up. I was fortunate to have taken a seat. The first thing the professor did was that he asked all those who wanted to add the class to raise their hands. I was one of them, of course. Amongst the 20+ people who wanted to squeeze their names on the list. |:

But without hesitation, he tells us there isn’t a spot available and kicks us all out. Seriously? Seriously.

A few of us, still being a rather large handful, waited outside the classroom. It was unfair. There were seats left. The other registered students didn’t show up. We rightfully had claim to those empty chairs!

Sooner or later, we burst through the classroom and the professor lets us sit in. Still, he reminded us that he wasn’t going to add anyone. I had nowhere else to go so I might as well make it worth my while.

As he was going through the attendance sheet, he finds out that one of his registered students dropped the class. One. You know what that meant.

This was WAR.

In order to decide who gets that one spot, our professor made us draw a lottery. He also made this one random girl pick out the name from the whole lot so he wouldn’t be blamed for the outcome. Haha.

I scribbled my name on a blank sheet of paper, walked up to the front and handed in my name with the rest of the lot. It was an eye-twitcher, I tell you. The girl picks out one of the random lots and hands it to the professor. He opens the paper. My heart beats erratically. He says.

“It’s blank.”


Okay, so he had to scan the entire paper to find the name on it. Finally, he did.


And my eyes just widened in disbelief. This isn’t real.


*headdesk x 37129841*

Okay, it was real. But what the heck? Cynthia? How do you get Cynthia out of Chynna. For one thing, I don’t even have a “t” in my name!

The point is, I got into my English class. I never win anything! This was like winning a million bucks but better! Okay, almost better, because I still have to work my butt off for an A. Although the fact that I was the only one to get in escapes me. Seriously. There must be a divine reason!

And so, after a week in that class, it’s pretty much been a major nosebleed. Just submitted my first paper this morning on Hamlet. Aced my reading quiz last week as well. But hey, if I can get through Mr. B, I can get through this guy! Plus, I think my professor’s awesome. He keeps me awake and relates Avatar to Heart to Darkness. Shear EPICNESS.

Speaking of which, I should get going and read that book. I probably should watch Avatar as well.