College

Weighing August

As Kimberly used to say, “Now’s not the time to be stupid.” August has officially hit. Though I am pleased to have my own apartment now, I feel that everything’s going to get harder from now on. I really have to step my game up. It sucks that I don’t have my own car, so it’s rough getting around.

I’m lagging behind. Even if I’m excited to be going to university this coming fall, there’s a lot of catching up for me to do in terms of school. I’ve weighed the pros and cons to not having to move in right away this month.

I figured that since I’m still hanging around the South Bay, I’ll still be catching up with friends. There will be summer nights reserved for shaved ice. Which reminds me, I probably should contact everyone else since Clark’s looking forward to a night at Guppy’s. I’ll still be able to help out in church this month as a youth worker. Most of my kids moved to the high school already, but there’s still some raising up to do. I’ll still have the opportunity to hang out with my bros from the Kool Kidz Klub. That is, if time is opportune and Vito would stop bashing me. Lol. And, of course, I’m mostly looking forward to spending time with Yuki. Even if it’s just one night during the week and sometimes a few moments spent with him before he drives back to LA, those times are precious to me.

The little things that I am thankful for in regards to being home is that I don’t have to worry about food and money. Not that I spend a lot during the week. In fact, I try not to spend at all. When I’m home, there’s always food in the fridge. I wouldn’t know what I would do in Irvine if I was broke and starving. Yeah, I don’t think I’d make it to fall quarter. Lol.

Then again, if I was living in Irvine right now, I’d be able to settle in and get used to things sooner. Somehow, I’d get myself a job and contemplate on working and studying at the same time. Yeah, I need to get a hold on being independent.

If I can’t step my game up over there, I’ll have to make do with my situation now. I’m off to sleep. Damian’s going to Irvine tomorrow, and I’m hitching a ride. Time to take initiative and ask about financial aid, inquire about my major, explore the community and maybe even sign up for the gym. Whoa, sounds like a lot of responsibility.

Challenge accepted.

Transition

After two or three drafts left unfinished, I think I can finally write a complete post. It’s 2AM and I’m still awake. My thoughts are finally brewing. I’ve been a complete wreck when it came to writing, but hopefully this summer, everything will change. I’ll have that time to find myself again. To build bridges and grow as a person.

School’s finally over. Community College is actually over. To me, it still feels surreal. The three years that I spent in that place which I thought was horrible and dull for the first year and a half didn’t turn out that bad. I vaguely remember the orientation I attended where the speaker said, “You’ll meet people who’ll become you’re friends for life.” And I’m thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding, right?” I was downright miserable and alone. I didn’t see that happening. But it changed. Everything surely did change.

My friends from the class of 2009 graduated and some of them joined me. Later in the game, the unexpected happened. Friends? Who would’ve thought? I surely didn’t.

I began going to MESA thanks to a certain silly japanese guy. That place became my second home. Or my third? Somewhere along those lines. My last year in Elco, I happened to grow close to people that were both intellectual and amazing. Not only was I able to relate with these guys on a nerdy level, but I could hang out and laugh with them as well. I’m blessed to have met guys like Vito, Mario, James, Chris and Yuki. Yep, all guys. What can I say? That’s how it goes when you’re majoring in the sciences.

Kool Kidz Klub

Sigh. I’m glad and grateful that I’m finally out. I honestly couldn’t have survived my last year without these guys. Being surrounded by these fellas motivated me to try even harder and made me believe that I can succeed. I didn’t think I could get a B in both Physics 1B and 1C–especially 1C–but I did. I didn’t think I’d end up liking Physics, but I did. Thank you. I  miss our Physics Study Seshs and Meatball Sundays. Yeah, Sunday nights are definitely gonna be different from now on.

And then, there’s you. There’s you, Yuki. I feel like I’m going through the first week when we started going out. I’m still getting used to it. I remember how insecure I was for the first two weeks or so. One, I still couldn’t believe that you asked me out. And two, I thought everything was gonna go downhill because I was so conscious about how you thought. I didn’t expect you to change. I hoped that you’d change your mind, but I wasn’t keeping my hopes up. But somehow, you did.

Why? Why couldn’t you just come out and say it? Why did you have to let me make the decision? I was sitting there, waiting for you to break my heart. Spring was over. We were going to be over. I thought you were going to do so. But no. You… changed.

I know that you don’t feel the same way I do. Heck, I know I care more about you than you care about me. But there’s something about you, really. Not just your physique, but your personality. You helped straighten me out when I’m rattled. Poke fun at me and still occasionally call me a loser. ]: But when it counts the most, yeah? You’re there.

Why didn’t you leave, Yuki? I was keeping you from doing something you had to do. When I was devastated about my Physics exam, you were there to hug me. You told me not to worry. Sigh, when it counts the most, huh?

I’m getting used to it. It’s hard right now. It’s probably a phase. I’ll look at it as that. Here’s to the transition! I miss you, mister. I’ll see you soon, Bruin.

Feeling Lucky?

Hah! Not even! That word never applies to me nor is it even in my vocabulary. But for some strange turn of events, the impossible became possible.

I mentioned that I just had to get into this English class. When I arrived at the Humanities building last Wednesday morning, the hallway was packed from end to end.

WHAT THE HECK?! All these people want to get into this one English class?! You’ve got to be kidding me. Seriously. I don’t think it was possible to cramp all those people into one room.

Fortunately (and unfortunately), we all managed to fit in once the professor arrived; there were a handful of people who were standing up. I was fortunate to have taken a seat. The first thing the professor did was that he asked all those who wanted to add the class to raise their hands. I was one of them, of course. Amongst the 20+ people who wanted to squeeze their names on the list. |:

But without hesitation, he tells us there isn’t a spot available and kicks us all out. Seriously? Seriously.

A few of us, still being a rather large handful, waited outside the classroom. It was unfair. There were seats left. The other registered students didn’t show up. We rightfully had claim to those empty chairs!

Sooner or later, we burst through the classroom and the professor lets us sit in. Still, he reminded us that he wasn’t going to add anyone. I had nowhere else to go so I might as well make it worth my while.

As he was going through the attendance sheet, he finds out that one of his registered students dropped the class. One. You know what that meant.

This was WAR.

In order to decide who gets that one spot, our professor made us draw a lottery. He also made this one random girl pick out the name from the whole lot so he wouldn’t be blamed for the outcome. Haha.

I scribbled my name on a blank sheet of paper, walked up to the front and handed in my name with the rest of the lot. It was an eye-twitcher, I tell you. The girl picks out one of the random lots and hands it to the professor. He opens the paper. My heart beats erratically. He says.

“It’s blank.”

*headdesk*

Okay, so he had to scan the entire paper to find the name on it. Finally, he did.

“Velasco?”

And my eyes just widened in disbelief. This isn’t real.

“Cynthia?”

*headdesk x 37129841*

Okay, it was real. But what the heck? Cynthia? How do you get Cynthia out of Chynna. For one thing, I don’t even have a “t” in my name!

The point is, I got into my English class. I never win anything! This was like winning a million bucks but better! Okay, almost better, because I still have to work my butt off for an A. Although the fact that I was the only one to get in escapes me. Seriously. There must be a divine reason!

And so, after a week in that class, it’s pretty much been a major nosebleed. Just submitted my first paper this morning on Hamlet. Aced my reading quiz last week as well. But hey, if I can get through Mr. B, I can get through this guy! Plus, I think my professor’s awesome. He keeps me awake and relates Avatar to Heart to Darkness. Shear EPICNESS.

Speaking of which, I should get going and read that book. I probably should watch Avatar as well.

Time to Transfer

I can’t believe it! I finally did it! After years–yes, years–of searching, I have finally exported my 600+ Diaryland entries! You have no idea how much I wanted to get out of there! I thought I could just move to a different blog so easily, but the truth is, I couldn’t. I knew I wouldn’t be able to feel secure knowing that 8 years of my daily ramblings were left aside for a new home.

That’s right. You heard me. I’ve been blogging on the same blog for 8 years now. It would be about 9 years now since we’ve just entered the year 2010. You can just imagine how primitive blogging was back then. Much more was my teenage stupidity. Even though my writing style was utterly dorky, it poses much of a reference of how much I’ve grown these past few years.

My ticket to freedom relied heavily on the Diaryland exporting script from that Clayrhino website. I do remember that the website ceased to exist a couple of years ago. I thought I lost hope. But for some miracle, it was back. I could have just jumped for joy and screamed. Now I finally have more freedom with the HTML around here. Also, I do love the fact that I can categorize and tag my posts unlike before. So long Diaryland and hello WordPress!

So I woke up at five in the morning today. There is seriously something wrong with my body clock. This won’t help me much when I have to start school the next day. Technically, I am starting school tomorrow. Gosh, I don’t even have a class. LOL. I’m gonna enter campus the next day and fight for that English class (even if it means shooting the incoming students).

Even though I would just loathe to be in that class for the next five weeks of winter session, it’s something that I’ve got to do if I want to transfer. I can’t have myself sitting in junior college for four years. That would be like going through another round of high school. Three is enough!

I’m still unsure of where to transfer after junior college. Not only that, I still have money issues. I’m still uncertain about being eligible for financial aid. ‘Cause here’s the deal: I’ve figured that the poorer you are, the more probable it is for you to attend college. I don’t care what the statistics say! I think they’ve made an error in their ways!

The thing is, I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m poor. “Broke” would be a better term to describe that. I mean, my parents do make more than enough cash since they work extra hours. The problem here is that my mom has a spending problem, which I am very twitchy about. I mean, surely we have debts to pay and bills to clear out. Then again, doesn’t everybody? But once those are cleared out, I’m pretty sure the money earned for that could be used for something like–I don’t know–a word that seems to have been taken out of her vocabulary–savings. |:

But nooo, instead it gets funded into online shopping and the sorts. There was a month last year–I kid you not–that almost every other day, we had a package from FedEx laying at our doorstep. My mom gets into this whole deal of “saving” when she thinks it’s a good idea to purchase something when it’s on sale. Really, really?! Not when you’re buying more of the same thing! That’s like paying for the original price. Maybe even more if you’re not careful. -__-;

I recall that there was time last year when I had college fees due. I reminded her now and then that we needed to have the cash before Thanksgiving since registration for the next sem was around that period. The day draws near and what happens? Our supposed savings for my tuition was invested in a treadmill.

A treadmill?! You’ve got to be kidding me. You know what a cheaper and healthier option is? Walking. The best thing about it is that it doesn’t cost a cent! What was purely genius was that she spent five minutes a day at most on that contraption. Yeah, your calories aren’t going anywhere in five minutes.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my mom, but I’m not gonna go anywhere in life this way. This is why I’m stuck in junior college; I couldn’t afford getting into a university. Two years in junior college, I would supposedly have money for uni by now, but no. I would only hope to be eligible for financial aid. Please, oh please, give me money for college!

I hope to must transfer Fall ’11. Biola is out of the question with my current situation. My dear hopes rest in the UCs. I’m thinking about going to either UC Irvine, UCSD or UCLA. UC Berkeley, if I’m smart enough. Hah, I could only imagine though. My GPA is being dragged down by the likes of Calculus and Physics. Gladly, I was able to raise my GPA last semester after the horrid Physics 1A and Math 191 experience. Calculus in the summer; what was I thinking? Although it’s good to know that I’m ahead.

I’m terrified for this coming spring semester though. I’m going to be taking Math 270 and Physics 1B. This Calculus professor is rumored to be horrible at teaching; the deadly aspect that poisoned me during the summer. If the teacher sucks, I can’t learn. For Physics, I have the same professor as last spring. Great, just great. I guess I’ll be blowing my brains out if I want to maintain my GPA.

Our purpose in life is to go to college to get a job to pay for our college debts. In the end, once all our debts are paid, we can die happy. -Bryan

I swear, when Bryan told me that, I couldn’t help but LOL and believe there’s so much truth in that statement. I feel like after taking all these classes and get a degree, I won’t be good enough and end up working at Target. By that time, a teenage employee might even have a higher position because he’s been in the business longer than me. ROFL. Now that’s sad.

For the remainder of the day, I shall attempt to make myself useful. This does not include being on Facebook for no reason. lol. I’m still feeling lazy about picking up my guitar again. Still feeling uninspired. At the moment, I’m just tuning into some Gabe Bondoc songs; they’ve been on repeat for the past two hours. “Stronger Than” has to be my favorite. (:

Oh snap, I still have to prepare for school. Hah, I haven’t even touched my school bag since fall semester ended. You can totally tell I’m looking forward to tomorrow.

Buried So Deep

i want to scream into a pillow. either that, or i’d just want to keep running, wishing the path never ended. i thought i threw my feelings away. i thought i was getting over it. turns out, i wasn’t. i just buried it so deep thinking that i wouldn’t be able to dig it up again. the irony is that he was the one who unearthed it for me. funny, though, i’m not going through a huge emotional breakdown. this is just one of those moments where you’d consider headdesking yourself for a certain amount of times…hard. in the end, all you can really say is, “well, that sucks. let’s move on.” that is exactly what i’m trying to do. it’s going to take a pretty long time until this happens.

on to the more positive things in life. Aced my Cultural Anthropology class! that’s one class down and one more to go. i had no idea how bored i’d be when one of my classes just ended. two more weeks until Calculus ends. until then, i’ll be drowning myself integrals and infinite series. there’s still hope for me to pass the class. and also, there’s still hope that i can even ace the class. i never thought i’d see the light!

a very special friend of mine just received one, if not, the best gifts in her life yesterday. she gave birth to a little baby boy! i haven’t seen pictures of him yet, but sooner or later, when she’s available, i’ll be able to. i just had this gut feeling she was going to give birth yesterday; she was MIA on my messenger list.

my friend gave birth, two weeks until Calculus ends and a broken heart to boot. i’m feeling like i’m at the crossroads with nowhere to go. i feel like i’m in a dream just hoping to wake up. what i’d love to do is just see the city lights and have time to think and breathe. i’m not making sense anymore.
i’m picking up a book to read and going to sleep. one of these days, i’ll pick up the pieces and my writings will appear quite sensical; only then you’ll know i’ve moved on.