Do You Like Elephants?

It was a random question that I had asked my ex when we first started dating. It was one of those nights eight years ago, and it just popped into my head while we had another one of those late night conversations in his car. Funny enough, I actually forgot that I had asked him that question. About more than five years later from that day, as he was breaking up with me, and we were both trying to get closure, he brings up that same question.

“Do you like elephants?” In that moment, I responded the only way I could respond. “What?”

And really, that was the only way I could respond. Not only because it came out of the blue, but it didn’t even occur to me that the question originated from me; he was trying to bring back how I used to converse or spark a conversation.

That girl whose mind channeled imagination and quirky thoughts on a daily was gone. And I didn’t even know that she disappeared.

Being in my past relationship for more than half a decade molded my way of thinking today. When I look back, I was definitely more of a scatterbrain enamored with childish and creative thoughts. Having been with my ex challenged me to see the world in a more logical and structured sense, which I’ve become truly thankful for. Without him, I probably would still be daydreaming of the what ifs and banking on various ideas to translate into reality.

However, there’s a difference between clutching onto the what ifs and just admiring ideas. I feel that my ex almost instilled that if it’s just an idea that can’t possibly happen, then why even entertain the thought? That’s probably why overtime my wonderings came to a halt.

It wasn’t until a few weeks ago when I went out with this guy on a Sunday night, and he said something along the lines of, “Isn’t it crazy how the most interesting people we meet are the ones who’ve gone through so much? Where do draw the line with those we want to protect?”

It’s been a minute since I’ve been challenged with a truly thought-provoking question. While I’ve been a single pringle for a little over three years now and dated a number of guys since then, I feel that it’s only been the last two that I’ve talked to who’ve sparked parts of me that have been lost. And here I am, trying to reclaim my missing pieces.

You could say that’s why I’m writing again. Maybe I’ll awaken these dormant thoughts. Just maybe.