I realized I’ve only written on my blog twice this year. Twice. What in the world is wrong with me? To think that I wanted to be a writer when I was younger. To think I pushed aside homework just to spend an hour or two to conjure up some words on a page.
Not that setting homework aside is a good idea. For the past year, or basically for most of the times I’ve been avoiding to write, I’ve been trying to run away from the thoughts within me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, it’s always been lingering, that if I put a thought to paper–digitally, at the least–that that very thought just becomes concrete. That those words and thoughts that encapsulated me would be unearthed no matter how far deep I buried them. There’s just something about me that can’t accept these thoughts, and I would like to block them out, but that’s not a good solution, is it?
It takes me until the end of the year to realize how much my thoughts have changed. That maybe I’ve slowly accepted that certain things won’t change. And you know what? I’m okay with that.
It only took a hectic winter,
an ambitious spring,
a treacherous yet interesting summer,
and a recovering fall.
And so, we’ve come back full circle, and the winter chill has swept in again. It put into perspective how far my life has come, and that graduation will soon be drawing near. It saddens me that the friends I used to be so close with are no longer as close as I want them to be. And it’s not because of some bad blood or betrayals of some sort. People just drift because of how life goes. The friends that I knew from high school and were immensely close in community college, it saddens me that I don’t hang out with them like I used to. I miss 2010. The video games, rolling down grassy hills, scarfing down spoonfuls of froyo. They’re all just fragments of memories now. It’s not the same, but I’ve got to move forward.
With the way things are, I just have to make myself at home. Feel comfortable. Embrace what’s new. Easier said than done, right? But I guess I’ve been working on it. This is just another chapter in my life.