“Do you get this?”
That was the very first thing you said to me. It’s been a little over two years since I’ve met you, and here we are now at a crossroads. To this day, I am still surprised and yet thankful for having you in my life.
Despite our petty misunderstandings, I’ve managed to see how wonderful of a person you truly are. You’re not perfect, and neither am I. We both stepped into this relationship like it was untouched territory. I’ve never been in a relationship, and you’ve probably never been in something this serious. I’ve tried not to set my hopes too high so that I wouldn’t get hurt again. I’ve attempted to fix my heart at a certain distance so I could handle any difficulties that would come my way.
It’s funny. Maybe it sounds a little bit masochistic, but I got used to getting hurt or being rejected. I thought that even if I felt so strongly about you, you we’re bound to walk away at some point. After all, I’ve been on the losing end this whole time, haven’t I? One way or another, I knew I was going to get hurt. It’s a lot easier for me to deal with the pain that seemed to be inevitable. I thought I put up a good enough buffer around my heart so I wouldn’t be as vulnerable as I used to be.
But things changed. You changed. Or at least it seemed like you did.
I liked you for your mind. How everything seemed so practical and realistic. I admired how spontaneous and geeky you were and still are. Your subtle courteous and adventurous ways. Even though you weren’t open, very lazy and didn’t take initiative, I managed to accept that. I expected you to remain the same.
And here I am seeing a different side of you. You’ve called me up randomly. You’ve greeted me with good morning texts. You’ve allowed me to visit you in LA where I got to meet your roommates. Slowly, you’ve let me be a part of your life.
That one Tuesday night, I honestly thought you were going to walk away from me. I was mad. Furious. I unleashed a side of me that hadn’t come out for years. Even though you indirectly hurt me, I knew I couldn’t stay mad at you. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you walked away. But you didn’t. I still find it hard to comprehend that you stayed. That even if you’ve seen me at my worst, you’ve stuck by my side.
Here we are. Summer has reached its end. We’ve spent most of its days together–especially these past two weeks. That weekend with you in LA to watch the Final Fantasy concert. The next two nights, you took me to see the city lights because you knew how much I liked it. We laughed and we danced in the moonlight–awkwardly. Haha. Lastly, you did something I never would have expected you to do.
You: When are you leaving for Irvine?
Me: Thursday…… Come with me.
Me: Come with me to Irvine.
I ended up leaving for Irvine Friday instead. Even though my plans changed, you still drove down to spend these last two days with me before our classes would begin. And it was wonderful.
We’re both about to start a new chapter in our lives. If anything happens between us, we pinky promised. Yes, we did. We will still see those Christmas lights this coming December.
I walked you out of my door this afternoon. One last hug. One last time before I could see your face in person again. It’ll be weeks. Probably even months. Even so, I’m glad I’m with you. I’m happy and very grateful for everything I’ve experienced being with you.
I love you and I will see you someday soon, Yuki.