Slightly Giddy

Allow me to feel a little giddy for once, alright? I’ve been attempting to man up my feelings in regards to my relationship. Why? It’s risky. Unbelievably risky to let my guard down. I don’t know when I’m going to have myself be that vulnerable again. Like way back when. If there’s one thing I learned these past four or so months, it’s to be more independent. That I don’t necessarily need a man in my life to be happy. That’s right. I don’t need him.

But I want him. Ugh, it almost makes me cringe when I think about how weak at the knees I can get. Weak. Weak. Gross.

I have my fears and insecurities. I’ve conditioned myself in many ways, hoping that my heart wouldn’t dare come close to how badly it got broken before. In fact, sometimes I feel like I’ve hit this point where I’m just floating by. Surely, I’ve been struggling with the distance between us lately. However, this whole transition starting to feel a little more comfortable. Almost to the point that texting him everyday feels normal. That has both its good and bad sides, doesn’t it?

But hey, I know for sure that the thrill doesn’t last forever. That whole thing is just an illusion. Will I end what I have because the spark is rarely there? Not even. Lol. Some girls are dumb to do that. Just saying.

I don’t know. Lately, I haven’t been making that much sense. All I know is I’m content with where I’m at with him. That I do care about him a lot. And yes, he still manages to surprise me.

I hadn’t gone out all day. My agenda consisted of eating and sleeping. Slip the computer and reading in between that and you’ve got yourself a sloth-like day. This day was about to end. 10pm was nearing, and I was on a usual Tumblr spree. It’s a Monday night. Yuki had aikido and a night out with his friends on the list. I knew full well what he was up to tonight. Although what I didn’t expect was a phone call.

My phone rang. His name lit up on the screen. He was calling me. Yuki was calling me! What the? Out of the ordinary! I picked up with surprise and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey? What’s up?
Yuki: Nothing much.
Me: I thought you were gonna hang out with your friends.
Yuki: Yeah, I’m just waiting for them. They’re gonna kidnap me. I just wanted to call you.

The call didn’t last long since his friends arrived two minutes later to pick him up kidnap him. 😛 So what if the conversation was short lived? It was the best two minutes of my day. (:

Yeah, yeah, I’m a sap. Ugh, get over it.